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We talked to experts who gave us eight major reasons to consider a dating sabbatical. But if you want to find someone to get serious with, or even just get to know, it’s crucial to maintain a positive outlook about your potential to do so.It’s not that you should be in denial—it’s that you need to approach a relationship the same way you’d approach a job you really want: You’re going to keep going until you get it.Pay attention to whether you feel a connection.” If you feel that you’ve lost sight of what, or who, you’re looking for, take time out to reflect and refocus.You’ll come back to dating fully engaged, instead of on autopilot.

“Taking a break can allow you to self-reflect, gain perspective, and figure out why you’re having such a hard time finding a guy who’s right for you,” she says.“A break is essential when you get caught up in negative feelings,” says Gibson.If you’re immediately not attracted to someone or can tell you have deeply incompatible lifestyles or values, that’s one thing, but it’s another to write off dudes because their jobs aren’t cool enough, they have a bald spot, or they said something a little douchey within minutes of meeting you.(Not saying that bodes but some guys get nervous and it comes off as arrogance.) “Psychologists have studied how searching on dating sites affects people and found that the longer you search, the more judgmental you become,” says Davis Edwards.You can go on a date a week, or a date every few weeks and still be “dating.” No need to make a formal announcement that you’re “not dating right now,” which is little more than your attempt to be excused from risk and effort. Your friends tell you to stop looking, because “that’s exactly how they met their boyfriends.” Unfortunately, what they’re telling you is causally incorrect. Quitting dating doesn’t make you better at dating, and certainly doesn’t help you meet people you could really like. Let go of your attachment to the idea of how things will or should turn out. When someone tells you she met the love of her life when she wasn’t even looking, she means she was living her life, not looking to the universe to fill a void.If you believe you can only focus on yourself when dating is switched into OFF mode, then how exactly do you think you’ll keep yourself from abandoning yourself wholly when and if you enter a committed relationship? If the most noncommittal form of connection—dating–causes you to lose focus on yourself, then your bigger concern should be how you’ll maintain that critical balance when and if things do get more serious. I have a rule myself, which is no more than two first dates in a week. If you don’t make time for yourself while you’re dating, you actually won’t be much fun TO date. It’s the romantic equivalent of “Don’t think of a white elephant.” If meeting a partner, lover, boyfriend, etc., is something you really want, you don’t stop looking. She wasn’t predicting doom or anticipating failure or hating herself for being single.

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